Another Semester...
Show your hands
If you need a new coat of paint
If your bones are now heavy things
Like anchors hidden somewhere 'neath your skin
Or if your head's just an empty box
If your heart has become spare parts
If your days are now just something you must bear
Well, oh, it seems you're a lot like me
You dug yourself into places
You never thought you would be
But don't you fret, and don't you mind
The only constant is change
And you never know what you'll find
Yeah, tomorrow I might wake up nice and clean
And I might believe the things I said I didn't mean
And this might turn and wind up just the way we'd dreamed
And I might become the things I swore I'd always be
Well, we're always on our way
We're on our way
Well, we're always on our way
We're on our way
Well, we're always on our way
We're on our way
Well, we're always on our way
We're on our way
- Radical Face
While I am excited to be embarking on another semester, I reflected this morning in writing with students about how exhausting starting fresh again and again truly is. Syllabus daze - we have them for every class, every semester and over the successive years, they weigh so heavy. Do I introduce myself as queer? Do I introduce myself? Do I let the professor just get to know me? Does the professor care? As a high school dropout, I have now spent more time in college than I actually spent in K-12 classrooms. If I remember, I'll add pictures from my journal form this morning; I truly said it best there. This semester is going to be heavy. There is a 20-page qualifying paper that is required for me to continue my program. While this isn't a challenge I cannot meet, it is a task that has weight. Going forward, I have to get used to carrying more weight. It isn't the task itself, but I have to get used to the mental load of that weight on my mind seemingly on my mind all of the time. Either I compartmentalize better, which I fear might hurt my writing and process but save my mental health, or I figure out a way to wear the weight differently. Perhaps it isn't binary at all, and it isn't an either-or. I don't know, truly. But regardless, this journey is ahead of me. The pack is heavy.
Comments
Post a Comment